Job, Not Karen

Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time
    There is a stereotype of a person who, when not getting the answer he or she wants, especially at a business, starts arguing to get his or her way, especially asking to see the manager.  Unfortunately for those with this name, this type of person has been called a Karen.  A Karen is going to get her way, no matter how long she has to talk to the person or the manager.  And sincere apologies to all those named Karen here, who, I am sure, are wonderful people.
    Perhaps this is the image that comes to mind when we hear the second part of today’s Gospel, where Jesus talks about a friend who needs three loaves of bread, and won’t stop asking until the friend, who has already gone to bed, gives him what he wants.  In other words, if I just go all Karen on God, He will give me whatever I want.  But is that really what our Lord is saying?  Does God want us to be so convinced that we’re right that we refuse to give up any ground when it comes to something that we want?

St. John Henry Newman

    I think we need to look at the nature of prayer as we begin to answer that question.  What is prayer?  St. John Henry Newman describes prayer as “Cor ad cor loquitur–Heart speaking to heart.”  Prayer is the speaking, and listening, to the God who created us out of love, sustains us in love, and works for our salvation in love.  Prayer lifts our hearts and our minds to God, entrusting not only our needs but also our desires to Him, but then also paying attention to God’s response by making room for Him and the ways He communicates in our lives.  
    God calls us to have a childlike trust in Him.  And we know that experience of a child who does not worry that mom and dad will provide what the child needs.  But perhaps, as we hear childlike, we turn it more into childish, like the spoiled three-year-old who won’t stop crying and screaming unless it gets the candy bar it wants from the checkout lane at Meijer’s, the younger version of a Karen.
    We could be forgiven for hearing both the first reading and the middle part of the Gospel and thinking that God wants us to ask for what we want until we get it.  After all, Abraham keeps bartering with God not to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah until God seems to relent and promises not to destroy it if He can find only ten good people in the cities.  And certainly, God does want to teach us about persistence in prayer and not giving up on what we truly desire and what we think we truly need, even if we don’t get it immediately.
    But God is not a salesman nor a manager that we can wear down until He gives us what we want.  God is our loving Father.  And while sometimes He does allow us to keep asking until the time is right to give us what we desire, we also have to make sure that our desires are in accord with God’s will.  God will not give us something that we don’t need, or something that is actually harmful for my salvation, no matter how adamantly or persistently I ask for it.  And some people lose faith when they do not get what they want; they feel that God has not answered their prayers.
    We might understand this if a person asks God to win the lottery, or for some material good.  We understand how God doesn’t give us everything we want if what we want doesn’t fit a need.  But we find it more difficult to understand when our request in prayer seems more noble and asks for something we perceive as a great good.  I’m thinking in particular of the many different scenarios when a loved one is unexpectedly in a hospital: it may be a grandparent, parent, friend, or even a child.  We pray for God to heal our loved one, and we don’t understand why God wouldn’t heal that person.  Certainly a person’s life, maybe even a very good person, a faithful and devoted Catholic, has more worth than money or material possessions.  How could a loving God not answer that prayer?  And if we don’t get healing immediately, then certainly God would grant our prayer if we are persistent.  After all, He’s the one who said, “‘ask and you will receive.’”  
    But I have been in too many situations, and known too many people who have gone through situations, where the loved one dies.  And where is God in that?  Why didn’t He answer my prayers, or the prayers of tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands of people who were asking for a good thing?  
    This is where we have to return to heart speaking to heart, of the lover and the beloved in conversation.  At the end of the day, we don’t know why God answers some prayers in the way we want, sometimes of people who are not so good, and God answers the prayers in the way we don’t want, even though we strive to be good disciples and faithful Catholics.  We don’t always know the mind of God.  
    In those moments, we can certainly pour out our hearts and tell God that we are upset that our loved one didn’t make it, or that we didn’t get some spiritual good that we wanted.  There is nothing wrong with telling God that His answer, which sometimes is no, doesn’t seem to make sense with what we know of a loving Father who gives His children good gifts.  But we also follow the example of Job who, upon losing everything–property, his children, and even his own health–said, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord.”  Job loved God, and could trust in God’s plan, even when it didn’t make sense to him.  Job hadn’t even heard the response of God yet, though he was listening, but could trust that God had a plan where that loss made sense in the divine economy.
    The message of the readings today is not to annoy God until He acquiesces to our requests.  The message of the readings is to be persistent, but to also know that God always answers our prayers, even if we don’t get what we want.  He wants us to bring our needs and our wants to Him, and He promises to do what will work out best for salvation history, even when it doesn’t make sense to us.  That only comes as an act of faith.  And the act of faith only makes sense for one who loves us deeply, and one whom we love as deeply as we can.  When it comes to prayer, God does not ask us to be a Karen, but a Job.

God Isn't Santa Claus

 Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time
    When we’re young we often picture God as something like Santa Claus.  Our parents may encourage us to think of God like Santa Claus because we ask Him for things that we need and/or want.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, as, when we’re children, we should learn to go to God whenever we need something.

    But if we stay in this mode into adulthood, it stunts our spiritual growth and our capacity to be in a deeper relationship with God.  Specifically, it stunts our prayer life.  And prayer is certainly the theme of our first reading and Gospel today.  
    When we’re stuck in the Santa Claus God mode, all we do is go to God when we need something or want something.  “God, please let this girl like me”; “Lord, I need a better job”; “God, let me win the Mega Millions, and I’ll give some to the Church, and it won’t ruin me like it ruined all those other people”; or, as the song says, “Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz”.  And then, if we get what we want, God goes back into the distance, to be beckoned when some other desire arises, like a genie we summon from a lamp.  Or, if we don’t get what we want, we can write off God altogether, and figure that He’s not worth our time if He’s not going to give us what we want, especially if we feel we’ve been good and deserve it.
    God invites us to a more adult relationship with Him.  God wants us to consider our relationship with Him more in the vein of a child or a spouse.
    When we view ourselves as God’s beloved children, and Him as our loving Father, then we have confidence to ask Him for the things that we need.  And Jesus tells us today to be persistent, as children often are when they need something.  God can’t be worn down, like earthly parents, but how many parents have relented because their child kept asking them for something.  Of course, it has to be for something good, or something we need.  God doesn’t give us a snake instead of a fish, or a scorpion in place of an egg.  God gives us good gifts.     
    And children learn this lesson from their parents as well: if they ask for something that is not good, or something they don’t need, they don’t get it.  Children may ask for ice cream every night, but they don’t (and shouldn’t) get it, as it’s not healthy for them.  Soon enough, and sometimes with an explanation, children learn that their parents will give them anything they need, and sometimes even things they want, as long as it’s in the child’s best interest.  So with God: when we ask for something good, and are persistent in our asking, God gives us what is good for us and what we need.  
    But children do not only ask parents for stuff they want.  Children also go to their parents to say, “I love you,” and “thank you,” and just to be with the ones who love them.  God also wants us to come to Him when we don’t need something, when we just want to be surrounded by His love.
    When we view ourselves as God’s beloved spouse, we also have confidence to talk freely with God.  Of course, the analogy of a spouse falls down, because spouses are co-equals, while God is not our equal.  But God does want to hear from us openly and with confidence, even while respecting God’s majesty.  Look at the first reading: it starts with God sharing with Abraham the plans to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah for their sexual wickedness, sins, the Bible says and the Catechism affirms, which cry out to heaven for divine justice.  And then Abraham tries to barter with God for the safety of the cities (which doesn’t change what happens, because there aren’t even 10 innocent people in the cities).  But Abraham has that confidence that a husband would have with his wife, or a wife would have with her husband, to talk about what is important, and to see what the options are and ask for a reconsideration.  Abraham is not rude or arrogant when talking with God (good luck getting what you want from a spouse if you’re being a jerk about it), but does not fear to bring up his point of view and make sure God understands where He is coming from.  Jesus told His Apostles at the Last Supper, “‘I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing.  I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father.’”  Through baptism, we become the family of God, and God wants to share with us His plans, and He wants us to share with Him our desires.  
    It is easy to get stuck in a childish view of God, and a childish way of approaching Him where we only go to Him when we need something.  Instead, we should rely on God for what we need, but do so in a chidlike way where we can go to God, not only for what we need, but also to thank God and spend time with Him because we love Him and He loves us, and know that He give us what we need, even if we don’t always know what that is.  We should, with the confidence of a spouse, share with God our hopes and doubts, our fears and our dreams, and listen attentively to God’s plans.  
    Don’t be stuck in a childish view of God.  Turn to Him in prayer each day, not just for what you want, but to spend time with Him in love and gratitude, and listen for how He communicates that He loves you. 

Our Catholic Life of Prayer

Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time

Question for you this afternoon/morning: if you’re married, when was the last time you spoke to your spouse?  If you have kids who live with you at home, when was the last time you spoke to them?  If you’re in high school or college, when was the last time you texted your friends?  Now, when was the last time you prayed to God?

If you are married and you haven’t spoken to your spouse today, then I might be seeing you later this week in my office for marriage counseling.  If you have kids who live at home and you haven’t spoken to them yet today, you’re probably not going to win a parent of the year award.  If you are in high school or college and you haven’t texted someone yet, you probably have been asleep until about 20 minutes ago.  But when it comes to talking to God, when it comes to prayer, we tend to be ok with letting that go much longer.

Sometimes we can treat prayer as pretty complicated.  We feel like it has to meet all these different criteria, and so, because it requires too much, we don’t do it.  But prayer is not necessary complicated.  Look at our first reading from the Book of Genesis.  Abraham speaks with God, after God reveals His plan to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because of their grave sins.  Abraham is simply walking with God, and starts bargaining.  Abraham simply talks to God.

Part of prayer is simply talking to God.  The other part of prayer is listening to God.  We tend to be good at the first, but not so good at the other.  But the Lord invites us to listen to Him as well as to speak to Him.  For our daily prayer, there is no special language needed, either.  Simply talk to God; say what’s on your mind and heart.  And then have some time of silence to listen for His voice, even if it’s in our hearts.  Talk to God like you would talk to a spouse, a family member, or a friend.

At the same time, when it comes to our formal prayer, we do have specialized ways of speaking to God.  In our Gospel today, Jesus teaches us the Our Father.  Today we heard St. Luke’s version.  We say the version that St. Matthew reported, but at its heart, it’s the same prayer.  Sometimes, especially when we are at a loss for words, formal prayers are nice because we don’t have to spend the time thinking of what we want to say.  We can enter into the words that Jesus or the Church gave us, and pray the Our Father, the Hail Mary, the Memorare, or the Glory Be.  

We are also in the midst of the Church’s great prayer: the Mass.  We began our prayer with the sign of the cross, and we will end it with the dismissal after the blessing with the sign of the cross.  Now, as the official prayer of the Church, we have a different way of addressing God.  How often do you say, “bestow in abundance” or “these most sacred mysteries” or even “grant, we pray”?  Probably never.  And yet, in this formal prayer of the Church, we elevate our language to remind us that we are not simply in a brick and mortar building.  We are not in an earthly place when we celebrate Mass (at least not the way we are when we go to the mall, or a bank, or a restaurant).  When we are at Mass, we are in a foretaste of heaven, the halfway point between heaven and earth.  And so, just as we are invited to lift up our hearts, so we also lift up our language and grammar to reflect the greatness, the solemnity, of the event we are entering: the Passion, Death, Resurrection, and Ascension of Jesus Christ.  

Some people like formal; some like informal.  Some people like memorized words; others like extemporaneous.  There is a place for both in the Catholic life.  If our only prayer is formal prayer and the Mass, then we are missing out on the more emotional parts of our faith that come from our daily devotions and times of speaking to God in our own words.  If our only prayer is our daily devotions and speaking to God in our own words, then we’re missing out on the font that is supposed to give our devotions life (the Mass), and we can easily forget that God, while our loving Father, is also our King, and we are not His equal.  Both are necessary for a healthy and balanced Catholic life.

God is both our Father and our King.  He wants to hear what is going on in our life on a daily basis.  At the same time, He is not our puppet, and we are still called to have wonder and awe in His presence.  The best way for this to happen is to pray.  Pray daily with all the things that are on your heart and mind.  Use the devotions of the Church like the Rosary, Praise and Worship music, and prayers to favorite saints.  At the same time, also join in more formal prayer.  Come to Mass each Sunday and holyday.  In these last weeks of summer vacation, come to daily Mass if you’re able.  Worship God our Lord, who created the universe and holds us in being.  Unite with the bread and the wine on the altar your cares, concerns, joys, and blessings.  And then say, “Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof.  But only say the word and my soul shall be healed” in humility, knowing that God does not owe us anything.  Enter into communication with God.  Share your love with Him, and be surrounded by His love for you.