Blind Spots

Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time

    More times than I would like to admit, I have been driving on the freeway, with a slow car ahead of me in the right lane (and, for the record, I generally drive 72 miles per hour), and I start to merge into the left lane, and either I notice the other car as I’m turning my head to the side to make sure the lane is clear (I know, I’m supposed to do that before I attempt to merge), or the car in the right lane next to me honks as I start to merge over.  Even with my “blind spot” indicator on the side-view mirror, I am still sometimes unaware of everything going on around me on the road.
    Our Lord heals Bartimaeus today in the Gospel from his blindness.  His blindness involved physically being unable to see.  But, ironically, Bartimaeus’ spiritual sight seemed to be 20/20.  How can we tell?  He cries out, “‘Jesus, son of David, have pity on me.’”  He cannot see, but he knows that Jesus is the Messiah, the long-foretold son of David who would save Israel.  He hadn’t seen any of Jesus’ miracles, but he trusted in what he heard and in what Jesus could do.  And even when people tell him to be quiet, Bartimaeus just keeps calling out to the Lord.  Ironically, those around Jesus, the “sizable crowd,” as St. Mark reports, had some blindness of their own.  Otherwise they would not have told Bartimaeus to be quiet.  Perhaps the crowd had heard of what this rabbi from Nazareth could do, but they didn’t expect Him to heal the man from the roadside.  
    We all have blindspots.  We all miss things that we should otherwise see.  Luckily, as we hear in the Letter to the Hebrews, Christ “is able to deal patiently with the ignorant and the erring.”  Because we have received so much that should make things so clear.  And yet, sometimes we are as spiritually blind as Bartimaeus was physically.  We fail to recognize what God is doing, or even who God is, though we have opportunities to encounter Him every day.
    Sometimes our blindness comes from our busyness.  When I’m driving and I don’t see the car coming up behind me or along my side, it’s usually because I have focused on the wrong thing, or I am in a rush.  I think that whatever I want to concentrate on is more important, and I miss the other vehicles traveling with me on the road.  This can happen in our faith life.  We get so busy with work, or maybe even with leisure, or maybe even with our family, that we neglect to take time to notice how God works or when God tries to communicate with us directly or through others.  Our minds get clogged with unnecessary worries, and we become like the sizable crowd that fails to recognize Jesus’ power and mission.  

    The antidote to this is daily prayer.  I know that, when we feel busy, we feel like we don’t have time to pray.  But, St. Teresa of Calcutta reminded us that if we feel too busy, that’s a sign we need to pray more, not less.  And, let’s be honest, we often can make time for prayer at work, though it might mean not scrolling the news page headlines or playing a game on our phone as a little break.  Or on vacation, we can choose to pray on a beach, or in the woods, and make time for going to Mass while on vacation.  Or even at home, though the kids are screaming, or making a mess, we can try to pray, even if that prayer is, “Lord, give me patience!” or “Thank you, God, for my beautiful children who don’t always act so beautifully,” or even taking more time as you put the kids to bed to pray with them and tell them just how much Jesus loves them.    But don’t let busyness be the disease that causes spiritual blindness.
    Joshua, as you enter into full communion with us, you complete one journey and begin another.  You are finishing a path which led you to seek the truths of the Catholic faith, truths that  you discovered are from Christ Himself through His Mystical Body, the Church.  You started to gain a new vision of the world and of being a disciple of Christ, which began outside the Catholic Church when you were baptized.  Christ gave you a new vision back then, and He continues to give you a new vision now.  But today you also begin a new road on your pilgrimage to the Father’s house.  You begin to walk with us as a Catholic, as we all continue to seek clarity in our spiritual sight from the Lord.  
    As you begin this new pilgrimage, do not be afraid to cry out to the Lord when you need Him.  If a teaching does not seem obvious, or if you are in need of forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance, do not fear to cry out, “‘Jesus, son of David, have pity on me!’”  He will come to you, in one way or another, and heal you from whatever blindness afflicts you at that moment.  And know that you are not alone.  I don’t know if all our parishioners would be considered a “sizable crowd,” but, unlike that crowd outside Jericho, we commit ourselves to helping you encounter the Lord more and more each day.  Do not be afraid to reach out to us, as well all walk towards the Lord and doing His will.
    If we are honest, we all have blind spots.  But, with the Lord’s grace, we can find healing and clear sight.  May the Lord open our eyes and our hearts to His love and truth each day as we seek to follow Him.

Evaluating with Catholic Wisdom

Twenty-eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time
    When I became a chaplain for the Michigan State Police, I learned very quickly that State Troopers have a different way of thinking of things.  Troopers generally will sit facing the door, and will often evaluate the room for potential threats.  Because they see so many horrible things, they tend to have a very dark sense of humor as a coping mechanism.  But they really do have a different way of thinking of things from the average citizen because of their training and experience.
    While we are not Troopers (though we do have one or two who come here from time to time), as Catholics we should have a particular point of view.  There is a certain way that we should look at the world which is not simply based upon our own experience or training, but based upon the wisdom of God.  We hear about that prayer for wisdom in our first reading; about a wisdom that comes from the Word of God in our second reading, the Word of God that is not a wisdom from a thousand years ago, but a wisdom that is living and effective; and in our Gospel the Lord talks about a wisdom that goes beyond a surface reading of the Law, to a deeper, full gift of self from an individual.  
    That is why we should talk about our Catholic faith, not so much as a group to which we belong, but rather a way of life that we live each day, to the best of our ability, following Christ and, as St. Paul says, Christ living in me.  Yes, there are a set of beliefs that we have, without which we cannot honestly refer to ourselves as Catholics, but it’s more than just things that we take into our minds.  Being Catholic involves allowing God to transform us and the choices we make by His grace, so that all of our life reflects choices that make sense based upon Jesus, whom we follow.

    And while we are probably sick of hearing political commercials, or getting texts about how this candidate or that candidate is a threat to democracy and will ruin our country for decades to come, I thought it would help to applying this theme of Catholic wisdom to a very important choice we have before us even right now, if we’re voting absentee, or in November if we go to the physical polls.  I promise you that I do not intend to endorse or reject any particular candidate or party.  That’s not what we do as the Catholic Church.  We do our best to inform you of the issues, to help you take in the wisdom of God, so that you can live that wisdom not only in the church on Sundays and holydays, but so that you can live that wisdom of God, based upon His Revelation, the Word of God, in every aspect of your life, including your political views.
    One of the first priorities of the Catholic Church is the dignity of every human life.  This is very counter-cultural.  Voters in Michigan, including, sadly, many Catholics, and voters across various political parties across the US treat human life based upon whether it has value to us or not.  But if we are truly living with the wisdom of God active in our life, we value every human life: the infant in the womb; the poor person on the street; the person who looks like she has it all together; the dying elderly person in a nursing home; and everything in-between.  Every other right flows from the dignity of the human being and his or her right to life.  If you can get rid of a human being because it has no value to you, then no other policy makes any difference because they all assume that every person is alive and treasured as a creation in the image and likeness of God.  So how does my vote support life?
    A second priority that comes from our Catholic wisdom is solidarity.  Solidarity means that we recognize that we are part of a human family.  Now, I don’t mean this in a secular humanist way, like the only thing which should unite us are the lowest common denominators.  Rather, solidarity says that, because Christ has died for every person, the other person has a right to my care and concern.  So how does my vote support a worldview where I am my brother’s keeper?
    A third priority that should influence all that we do, including our politics, is subsidiarity.  While we are all united to each other in solidarity, we do not have equal authority over everything.  Subsidiarity says that the smallest institution that can deal with responsibilities should do so, and larger institutions should only intervene when the smaller institution cannot adequately provide solutions on their own.  I’ll take education as one example.  The institution that should have the most say over its own life is the family.  But sometimes families cannot do everything on their own, so they rely on school districts to help them educate their child.  But sometimes even an individual district cannot provide for its own needs, so the State perhaps gathers money from everyone to support every district.  And maybe even in a few cases there are things that the State cannot do, so they turn to the federal government for guidance and funding in limited ways.  But the federal government shouldn’t set particular lesson plans for individual teachers in individual schools.  Likewise, we rely on the federal government for national defense, and that’s not something we rely on only one family to achieve national safety, though we do rely on other intermediate groups between the family and the federal government for local and State safety.  So when we vote, are we considering if a particular candidate or party respects subsidiarity and does not encourage infringement by larger institutions that which can be done by a smaller institution, even as small as the family?
    Lastly, living and voting based upon the wisdom of God calls us to consider the common good.  We live in a very selfish culture, where I predominately consider what is in my best interest.  Instead, God calls us to look beyond ourselves and consider others and what is best for them, not just what is good for us.  When I vote, am I thinking beyond what works best for me, and considering what works best for others?

    What do we do if we cannot find a candidate who fulfills all of these?  We do our best to choose the candidate or party who most fully supports these four main categories, as long as we do not choose a candidate because of an evil that he or she supports.  
    In all areas of our life, including our political life, we should live according to the wisdom of God, not the wisdom of the world.  When we live only according to our own wisdom, we limit ourselves to what our own minds can design and imagine.  When we live according to the wisdom of God, we tap into the guidance that comes from the Creator of all the universe, whom nothing can limit.  May we bring that wisdom with us to the voting booth, and to each part of our life every day.

How Is Our Sight?

 Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time
    As I do every year, I got my eyes checked recently.  Amazingly enough, my prescription is actually getting better as I get older, which is nice to hear.  I took the opportunity of my check-up to also get new sunglasses.  I had some Ray-Ban wayfarers for a while, so I wanted to go with something a little different.  I had seen cool sunglasses with colored, reflective lenses, so I decided to go with a pair of those this time.  
    After a couple of weeks my new sunglasses came in.  My last pair just made the entire world darker (as all the sunglasses I have had do).  My new sunglasses slightly dimmed the world, but more so changed the colors as I looked through them.  It was a bit strange at first, but I have gotten used to it, and I think I can even see better with these new sunglasses.  
    When we hear today’s Gospel, we probably focus in on physical sight.  Jesus healed the blind man, Bartimaeus, so that his eyes could function again and he could see.  But the Bartimaeus’s faith, his eyes of faith, we might say, were functioning fine.  After all, Jesus tells him that his faith has saved him.  So the Bartimaeus must have been able to metaphorically see clearly with his eyes of faith that Jesus could do what the man wanted him to do.  And the Bartimaeus’s faith was rewarded with the restoration of his physical sight.  
    Through Jesus’ eyes, He could see that Bartimaeus had faith.  Probably everyone else, or at least most others, though that Bartimaeus was cursed by God, or that he must have done something wrong.  That’s what is assumed in John’s Gospel with the account of the man born blind whom Jesus heals.  But Jesus saw that Bartimaeus had faith, and was not cursed.  Jesus saw the world with different eyes than everyone else.
    Do we see with the eyes of God, or the eyes of the world?  How do we look at what is happening in our parish, our city, our State, and our world?  Do we see it only from an earthly point of view, or from a heavenly point of view?  In our first reading, the prophet Jeremiah, who had foretold the exile of the people from their land, now prophesies that God will make things better.  In the eyes of the world, the Jews were simply a weaker nation that was being conquered by a stronger nation.  But through God’s eyes, the Jews were reaping the consequences of not being faithful to Him and worshipping false gods, of not protecting the poor, the widows, and the orphans, and of putting too much trust in physical buildings.  God allowed them to go into exile so that they could understand that their false gods would not help them, and that caring for each other, especially the most vulnerable, was part and parcel of being God’s Chosen People.  
    But God wouldn’t allow their downfall forever.  Jeremiah prophesies that God will restore His people, heal the lame and the blind, and console the Chosen People as their loving Father.  Probably most nations thought that Israel would be gone forever, but God promises to bring them back and heal their wounds, which is what happened.
    In order to keep some sense of sanity, I stopped watching the TV news last year in November.  I would get so worked up by all the things that the news wanted to focus on, and I was losing my interior peace.  I still skim stories on the internet to see what is going on in the world, but I no longer tune to watch news programs.  Even with just the internet news, the world can seem like a fairly rotten place.  Our country and world seem more divided than ever; there are real struggles going on in the day-to-day life of everyday people.  Some goods are in short supply.  I recently read that the cost to heat homes could be higher than it has been in some time, and I know I’m paying more to fill up my car’s gas tank than I have paid in some time.
    That’s looking at reality with the eyes of the world.  I can see all of the external realities.  But I have to try my best to also see the world as God sees it.  What is God trying to do through all of this.  Is there a lesson that I need to learn from all that is happening now?  Maybe what seems like the end is simply the consequence of previous choices, but is also the opportunity for something new.

   I think about St. Augustine on his death bed in the year 430, and the changes he saw in his lifetime.  The Church in North Africa had been one of the gems of the universal Church.  Alexandria in Egypt was an intellectual center for the Christian world, and the name of the city was used like we use Oxford or Cambridge now.  Cyprian, an earlier bishop of Carthage, was a great martyr and theologian.  Monastic life had thrived, and all had gone well for around a century.  
    But the Vandals started to enter Roman Africa early in the 400s, and by 430 they had basically conquered it all.  In fact, though they had besieged Hippo in 430, they left after Augustine died, only to return again and burn most of the books, except those that Augustine had reserved.  After the Vandals came the Muslims, sweeping across northern Africa and taking over.  And the Church in North Africa was never the same (in fact, Christianity is still illegal in Egypt today).  
    Augustine likely wondered what God was doing.  He had been quite faithful, and yet things still fell apart.  But, Augustine trusted in the plan of God, and knew that things would be alright.  They would not be the same, and still are not, but they would be as God would allow them to be.  The key for Augustine was remaining faithful to God, and praying to God for guidance and for mercy as much as he could.  Ironically (for this homily, anyway), St. Augustine is the patron saint of those with sore eyes.  He can be prayed to when our eyes (especially the eyes of faith) are not working as well as they should.
    Our parish, city, State, and country are not the same as they were ten, twenty, thirty, forty, or fifty years ago.  We have new challenges now.  But God has a plan, and our call is to remain faithful to God, continue to turn to prayer, and ask God to see, not only with the eyes in our head, but with the eyes of faith.  St. Augustine, pray for us!

Going Deeper

 Twenty-Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time
    We, as Americans are very pragmatic.  “Just tell me what I have to do,” could easily be an American mantra.  When we see a goal, we want to know how to achieve it.  The rich young man had this same sort of mentality.  He asked Jesus, “‘what must I do to inherit eternal life?”  What do I have to do?

    Jesus gives him a fairly straightforward answer: follow the Commandments.  And we should take this to heart.  If we live a life that follows what God revealed as part and parcel of being a member of His Chosen People, then we can have some assurance that we’re on the right path.  But the rich young man already follows the Commandments, and he still feels like there’s more to it than that.  So he asks if there’s anything else, and Jesus responds that the man should sell what he has, give it to the poor, and the follow Jesus more closely.  But the man cannot, because he loved his possessions more than eternal life.
    There is no sense in this Gospel that the man was trying to trick Jesus, or that Jesus was trying to trick the man.  What we heard was an honest exchange between a person who wants to go to heaven, and the one who could reveal how to do that.  In fact, in giving the rich young man the extended call of following Jesus, Mark is clear that Jesus loved the rich young man, and the call that followed was a result of Jesus’ love.  The tragedy of it all is that the man cannot bring himself to follow through with the call beyond the call: what do to when the Ten Commandments are being obeyed.
     When it comes to the spiritual life, there is never “I’ve done enough.”  Yes, the Ten Commandments are the basics of living a God-centered life: love God above all else, keep His Name holy, honor God on the Sabbath, and do not harm your neighbor through murder, adultery, lying, stealing, or envy.  Perhaps some of you have achieved that goal, and you don’t find yourselves breaking the face-value sense of the Commandments.  Praise God!
    But if you have mastered the Decalogue, then Christ invites you to something deeper.  It may not mean giving up all your possessions, but it always means following Christ more closely in your particular vocation.  Even when it comes to the Commandments, Jesus, in teaching in the Sermon on the Mount, goes beyond the face value.  No longer can one simply say, “I haven’t murdered anyone,” but one must consider whether or not one holds a grudge against a neighbor, or insults a neighbor.  No longer is it sufficient to not have sex with someone else’s spouse, one is not to look at another with lust.  And so, for all the Ten Commandments, there are deeper considerations, deeper ways of following Jesus.  
    For the rich young man, it meant giving up money, and that was hard because the man loved his money.  But for us it can mean giving up a grudge, or stopping the practice of keeping up with the Joneses, or working on how we talk about others or think about others, or spending more time in prayer.  For all of us, there are ways that we can go deeper in our spiritual life, but we have to make it a priority.
    Doing this by ourselves is very difficult.  Almost from the beginning, everyday Christians looked towards spiritual guides to help them live that deeper life beyond the Commandments.  Very quickly those guides were given titles of respect, Abba or Amma, Father or Mother, as in Abba Anthony (St. Anthony of the Desert) or Amma Mary (St. Mary of Egypt).  Throughout the centuries saints have guided everyday people to go deeper.  For this reason we talk about Benedictine, or Dominican, or Franciscan, or Ignatian spirituality.  
    But sometimes it also helps to have another person alongside us, on this earth, urging us on as we urge them on.  A few months back I started working out with weights 4 or 5 times per week (can’t you tell?!?).  I had tried to work on physical strength before as an adult, but never really got into it.  A few years back I made a New Year’s resolution to do push-ups and sit-ups 3 times a week.  I was successful for about six weeks, until life got busy, and I found excuses not to do it (plus, it wasn’t really that much fun).  So what made the difference this time around?  What has kept me on track since around June?  A good friend taught me how to start working out.  At first we started with only a few exercises, and we would meet at least once per week.  Both of our schedules have filled up since then, and now we might work out together once or twice a month, if that.  But I still keep at it because we challenge each other to work out when we can, and we hold each other accountable.  
    I would suggest having someone to help you in your spiritual life.  Don’t try to tackle it by yourself.  When you are ready to go deeper, involve a friend or two who can hold you accountable and urge you on.  If it’s reading more Scripture, have another friend read with you (physically, or at least reading the same amount each day or week).  If it’s working on a virtue or a penitential practice, check in with each other.  Notice that Jesus calls the rich young man to follow Him, which meant being in the group of disciples who worked together on being more closely conformed to Jesus.  We tend to do better, and Jesus knows this, with others when we try to grow in our relationship with Him.  
    If you’re struggling to still keep the Commandments, have someone help you with that.  If you’ve mastered the Ten, then find a friend who will not let you settle, but will work out those spiritual muscles with you each week.  Hear and accept the invitation that Jesus is offering you today to follow Him.

"Mawwiadge"

 Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time
 

The "Impressive Clergyman"

   As a child of the ‘80s, every time I hear the word marriage, I think of the scene from “The Princess Bride” where the “Impressive Clergyman” (that’s the name given him in the credits) is uniting Princess Buttercup to Prince Humperdinck in marriage.  It’s one of the great scenes in a movie that is filled with them.
    But marriage is quite a serious business.  It’s serious business because it’s so beautiful, and we take extra care with those things that are so precious.  I may not care about the paper plate, or even the usual dinner plate that I use for eating, but I take really good care of the fine china that I use.  
    At an Orthodox wedding that I attended at the end of August in Traverse City, the Orthodox priest said that God was creating something new at the wedding, as the couple began their married life together.  Our Catholic understanding of marriage and the Orthodox understanding of marriage are slightly different, but I thought that was a beautiful image of what happens at a wedding: the two become one; something new, a family is created that never existed before.  God, in His love, creates, just as He created in the Garden of Eden.  
    This new creation is meant to be an unbreakable bond, as were Adam and Eve.  They were the perfect helpers for each other.  No other could be a perfect helper: only the woman for the man, and the man for the woman.  And that is part of why Catholic cannot accept homosexual so-called marriage, as Pope Francis recently reaffirmed.  In Adam and Eve we see the original plan for marriage, which is itself a creation by God.  And since God created it, no other, not even a government, can change what God created.  
    This also goes to the indissolubility of the marriage, that was noted even in the Book of Genesis, and reaffirmed by Jesus Himself in our Gospel today.  Because God has created something that is new, because the two are no longer two, but one flesh, no human being can separate that which God has joined.  And so Jesus teaches that if a man were to divorce his wife, or the wife to divorce her husband, and either of them were to remarry, they would be committing adultery.  
    This seems harsh.  I am willing to bet that we all, in our families, have couples who have divorced.  Sometimes we see that the marriage is very unhappy, and sometimes one or both spouses can even be abusive towards each other, in words and, sadly, sometimes even with physical violence.  Certainly, we would say, God does not want the couple to remain together and risk emotional and physical pain, and sometimes even death.
    In those circumstances where a couple cannot (and sometimes should not) remain together, the Church offers the option of separation, where the couple remains married, but has no common life together.  Or, the Church offers the possibility, where appropriate, of a Declaration of Invalidity, and annulment, that looks at the marriage to see if one of the necessary parts of marriage was absent from the beginning, even if it looked like it was there at the time.
    But this also reminds us of the importance of preparing for marriage.  When a society, as a basic part of its culture, helps men and women understand how to love for each other, care for each other, support each other, and promote each other’s dignity, marriage prep is, we might say, something in the water.  But in our current times, that’s not the case.  The scourge of pornography affects men and women across the board, and instills in those who use it the idea that the other simply exists for use and sexual gratification.  Our digital age, too, does not help people develop true friendships, but makes each person easily jettisoned the minute they challenge an opinion we have as we unfriend and unfollow that person.  And even our consumerist mentality creeps into marriage, as we throw away things that don’t work, rather than working on fixing them.
    All this makes a proper understanding and catechesis in marriage all the more necessary for Catholics.  Our diocese is trying to do more with marriage prep, in order to make sure that people understand what they are getting into when they say, “I do.”  We can no longer take it for granted that Catholics understand the Catholic view of marriage.
    But, we also need to support marriages after the wedding.  Weddings have become like baptisms: a big ceremony and celebration, and then you don’t see the person again in church.  Part of that is our (the church’s) fault for not providing more for couples after the wedding.  I know Deacon Mark wants to be active in marriage enrichment, and I would also like to be able to offer times when couples can come together for a date night which also gives them tools to improve their marriage, even if there’s nothing wrong with it.
    Marriage is so important, because it’s the bedrock of any society.  Marriage is so important for Catholics because it is meant to be an icon of the love between Christ and His Church.  It is a new creation of God that needs to be cared for and nurtured, just like the rest of God’s creation.  Let’s commit ourselves today to praying for married couples, and assisting them, to the best of our ability, to live that beautiful vocation as Christ desires.

What Do You Desire?

Twenty-eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time

Christmas is slightly more than 10 weeks away.  As a priest, that makes me say: oh my!  Now, when I was a kid, that meant it was time to start picking through the toy catalogues from different stores to see what I wanted for Christmas presents.  I have no idea why, but there were years where I wanted a Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist doll (I was a weird child, I guess).  But I focused my attention pretty quickly on what I wanted.

What do you want?  What do you desire?  We’re really good at asking God for things that we want.  Some are as frivolous as a Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist doll; others are more enduring like love, health, and good friends.  King Solomon, the traditional author of the Book of Wisdom whence our first reading came today, asked for prudence and wisdom.  As we hear in the Second Book of Samuel, he didn’t pray for gold, for a long reign, or for the death of his enemies, but for the gifts that were truly necessary to be a good king.  Prudence is that virtue that tells us when, to whom, and how to do the right thing.  Wisdom is that virtue that tells us what to do, what that right thing is. 

In the Gospel we heard today, a man goes to Jesus desiring to go to heaven.  He, like King Solomon, didn’t want passing things.  He wanted eternal life.  Jesus tells him to obey the commandments.  “Yep.  Got it,” he says.  And then Jesus “loved him and said to him, ‘You are lacking in one thing.  Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’”  Jesus presses to the place where his desire for heaven stops, and in this case, it was his money.

I think if we’re honest with ourselves, we all have parts of our life that we are not quite comfortable giving to Jesus.  Those parts probably change during our lives, but they’re there, nonetheless.  We all can say (I hope) at a surface level, “I want to go to heaven.”  But then that desire bumps into another desire, and we find out what we value more: heaven or the other thing.  Today’s Gospel is not so much about having money (though it can easily be an obstacle to our relationship with God).  It’s about whatever it is that we value more than our relationship with God and our goal of going to heaven.

If you wonder if you have anything that you value more than heaven, then think about how you would feel if it God asked you to give it up in order to go to heaven.  Maybe it’s control (or what we consider control) of our life.  Some people, like me, like to have things planned out and have a particular direction.  If God asked me to give that up, that would be difficult for me.  God may not ask me to give control up, but if I’m not willing to give it up, then I’m not ready for heaven.  What if God asked you to give up your family?  It should make you sad (if losing your family makes you happy, we need to talk!).  But could you do that for God?  People do.  People who convert to Catholicism, especially in the Middle East, are sometimes disowned by family members.  What if God asked you to give up all your money?  Could you do that for God?  Could you do that to gain eternal life if Jesus asked you to, like he asked the man in today’s Gospel?  How about your political affiliation?  If God asked you to stop being a Democrat or Republican or Libertarian or whatever so that you could go to heaven, could you do that?  Sadly, too often I know people who are more committed to a political platform than to their faith.  Whatever it is, if we desire it more than we desire God, than we desire eternal union with Him in heaven, Jesus invites us to give it up to find true and eternal happiness.

Sometimes God doesn’t ask us to give something up, but He asks us if we’re willing to give it up.  But sometimes He does ask us to leave less important things behind, sometimes even to leave people behind because they’re not helpful to our eternal salvation.  How do you know?  Pray.  Pray and ask God what you need to leave behind to focus on your relationship with God.  It may take time, and even if we walk away from Jesus, He never walks away from us.  But I encourage you to pray to God to see what He is inviting you to leave behind.  To help you, I invite you to look up Bl. Charles de Foucauld, who wrote a beautiful prayer on abandoning ourselves to God.

Father,

I abandon myself into your hands;

do with me what you will.

Whatever you may do, I thank you:

I am ready for all, I accept all.

Let only your will be done in me,

and in all your creatures - 

I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul:

I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,

for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,

to surrender myself into your hands without reserve,

and with boundless confidence,

for you are my Father.

Amen.

God's View of Marriage

Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

My sister, Allison,
and her fiancé, Tom

My youngest sister, Allison, is getting married in March.  This is the first and only wedding that I’ll have the chance to do for one of my siblings (unless, God-forbid, a spouse dies), since my other sister, Amanda, got married before I was a priest.  Of course, in all of the prep, there’s the wedding questions about the Mass, the dress, the tuxedos or suits, the reception, the food, and whom to invite.  As a priest, I see lots of different options for how weddings are celebrated.  I will say that entertainment and mass media has increased the ideas that people have (some good, some bad) for what their wedding should look like.

What almost never gets considered, or is given only a small consideration, is how the Church, the Bride of Christ, views the wedding and, more importantly, the marriage.  We hear about marriage in our first reading and Gospel today, but before I get there, I do want to take the opportunity to say that the Church expects certain things even from the wedding, ways that our Catholic understanding of marriage is expressed.  But just having a wedding in a church is a big part of that.  A wedding is not a ceremony whose goal is to make the couple look as much like royalty as possible.  A wedding is supposed to be in a Catholic church (unless the bride or groom would find such a location offensive due to their Jewish or Muslim faith) because marriage is a sacred covenant, an agreement between the couple, yes, but also between the couple and God.  And a church is a place where God dwells in a way that God doesn’t dwell on a beach, in a fancy barn, or anywhere else.  

But, back to the readings.  In our first reading we hear about God creating marriage.  It’s not explicit, but God creates Eve for Adam, as an equal partner, to compliment him.  Man and woman are different (I know that, for many of us, that’s common sense, but in today’s culture, saying that man and woman are different is quite shocking!).  And in creating Eve to be with Adam, God creates marriage.  And since God created marriage, and since God does always what is for our good, we see in Adam and Eve a pattern with which we have no authority to tinker.  Marriage cannot be one man and two women; it cannot be one woman and two men; it cannot be two people of the same sex.  That doesn’t sound loving, but everything God does for us is an act of love, and Scripture makes it very clear how God created marriage.  

Now, throughout the Old Testament, God continued to reveal more about how He created marriage.  But, sometimes the message got muddled.  And that’s where our Gospel comes in.  The Pharisees ask Jesus if, as Moses said, divorce is still allowed in following Jesus.  Jesus had overturned a lot of what the Pharisees thought was right, and so they’re seeing if he’s upending marriage, too.  Moses allowed a husband to divorce his wife for certain reasons, including infidelity.  But Jesus clarifies: man and woman in marriage are no longer two, but one flesh, joined by God.  So what God has joined together, no one must separate.  

As radical as it now sounds to say that two men or two women cannot be married in the eyes of God and His Church, it was that radical in the time of Jesus to say that divorce could not happen.  This was not an easy statement.  It was very counter-cultural.  But Jesus, who is God, who is Love Incarnate, tells us this so that we can truly be happy.

This is, I’m sure, where all sorts of objections come to our mind.  When we think about how the Church does not allow or recognize homosexual marriage, maybe we think it’s not fair to have two people who feel a certain way for each other to deny them marriage.  But marriage is ordered toward sex (as well as union and fidelity and the good of the spouses), and sex is ordered toward children.  All the goods of marriage have to be present to be part of God’s plan.  Older people get married, yes, but even sometimes older people conceive children; just ask Abraham and Sarah or Elizabeth and Zechariah.  And God reveals in the Old and New Testament that only those who are married can have holy sex.

When we think about divorce and remarriage, sometimes people bring up cases of abuse, and say that the Church is saying they need to stay in those abusive relationships.  We turn back to Genesis: Adam and Eve are co-equal partners, who are there to help each other.  Abuse is not an example of helping each other.  Marriages can be annulled if abuse happens, but even before that, the defense of self and/or one’s children is another basic part of God’s teaching.  If you’re in an abusive relationship, God is not calling you to be a verbal or physical punching bag.  Come to me, and I’ll help you to take care of your marriage situation.  

Even if you’re not part of an abusive marriage that broke up, but simply divorced, I can help you examine if there was an obstacle that existed before you were married, even if it was only known after you got married.  Or if you have questions about your marriage situation, I’ll be glad to help you understand it in the light of what God has revealed in Sacred Scripture and the teaching of the Church so that you can be truly happy according to God’s plan.  I’m not here to beat you up spiritually or emotionally even if your marriage is not what is part of God’s plan; I’m here to help you get to that place where your marriage reflects God’s vision for marriage.

There are a lot of groups that give us what they think is the key to a happy marriage.  We see royal marriages, Hollywood marriages, and what some people call marriage but which are, in God’s eyes, not marriage.  Go to the Creator of marriage to understand how to live this beautiful Sacrament.  Go to what He has revealed through Scripture and the Church to understand how marriage truly works.  It may be difficult; it may be counter-cultural.  But, as it comes from the source of all true happiness and joy, it will make you truly happy and filled with joy.

Why is there Suffering?

Twenty-ninth Sunday in Ordinary Time

In my five years as a priest, I’ve had a lot of questions, both from children and adults.  The questions kids ask sometimes seem silly, but show real engagement with what the Church teaches: Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?; Where is heaven?  Sometimes they’re come more from movies and TV shows.  Around this time of year with Halloween around the corner I often hear: Have you ever seen an exorcism?; Is it hard to get possessed?  After five years, I’ve heard probably every question asked in one way or another.  And most questions I can answer without any relative problem.  But there’s one question, asked by both kids and adults, that is tough to answer: why do bad things happen to good people?  In essence, the question is: why is there suffering in the world?

It’s not an easy question to answer.  And the answer that people often desire is an answer which will make the pain of suffering go away.  We can talk about different types of suffering: there is natural suffering that comes from the way the world was created, like hurricanes, tornadoes, etc., which is just part of the way that the world continues its natural processes.  We can talk about moral evil, about someone experiencing pain because of another person, that is much harder to answer.  We can look back to the story of the Fall, when humanity in Adam chose to sin and disobey God, and how we are all affected by that choice, but that answer doesn’t really satisfy.

When children have to bury their parent at a young age; when a parent has to bury a child at any age; when a loved-one succumbs to the ravages of alzheimer’s and no longer recognizes anyone; when an employer or manager has to lay off employees simply to keep the company solvent; when you’re the employee that was laid off and you don’t know how you will make ends meet for you and your family; when a parent or parents have to make a decision that upsets children in such a way that the relationship is damaged, but which is in the best interest for the children; those are all experiences of suffering that a lot of theology about Original Sin and fallen humanity doesn’t quite take away the pain.  One of my most difficult moments as a priest was trying to comfort a family after the father, Shaye Ramont, died from multiple fights with cancer at the age of 50, and left behind a widow and 6 children that I knew, the oldest of which was in high school and the youngest of which were twins in elementary school.  At that moment, no theological gymnastics could take away the pain that the Ramont family was experiencing.  All I could do was just hug them, love them, and pray for them.  

So it seems like suffering has no answer.  And that doesn’t sound like very good news.  But our readings, the Word of God, give us the good news today, and, while they don’t answer the question of why bad things happen to good people, they do give us comfort.  The Prophet Isaiah today speaks of a suffering servant, whom the Lord is pleased to crush in infirmity, but who, through suffering, justifies many and bears their guilt.  The suffering servant is Jesus, who gave “his life as an offering for sin.”  While Isaiah looked in the future to prophesy the suffering servant, the author of the Letter to the Hebrews looks back at Jesus, and preaches Him as “a high priest” who is able “to sympathize with our weaknesses, [and] who has been similarly tested in every way, yet without sin.”  Jesus knows us, not just in an etherial sense, but in His humanity Jesus suffered and understood what suffering was.  Jesus had to bury His foster-father, St. Joseph; He saw real agony at the funeral of the only son of a widow; He experienced the death of one of His best friends, Lazarus; He was betrayed and abandoned by His best friends and followers; He was rejected by the very people He came to help; and He experienced the physical pain of the crucifixion, as well as the emotional pain of having to watch His own mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary, watch Him die in a most agonizing way.

The good news is that our God, in the person of Jesus, took upon Himself all our suffering, and experienced it throughout His earthly life.  Sometimes the hardest thing about suffering is that we feel alone.  No matter who else has gone through similar circumstances, there is a realization that no one else knows exactly what we’re going through, and that isolation adds to the pain of the already painful situation.  But Jesus does know.  Jesus walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death, and never abandons us.  Our God loved us enough to sacrifice His Only-Begotten Son so that we would not be alone in suffering, but could always have someone to suffer with.  That is how Jesus came for us: not to be served but to serve, and to give His life for us so that we would not be alone precisely when we feel the most alone: in our suffering.

Whatever our suffering, we can unite it to Jesus on the cross.  We can allow Jesus to walk with us in our suffering so that we are not alone.  It is not an answer to the problem of bad things happening to good people, but it is a consolation to know that whatever our suffering, we are not alone.  Whatever pain you are undergoing at this time, or whatever pain you will undergo in the future, never be afraid to turn to Jesus and say, “Jesus, please walk with me during this time of pain and suffering.  Unite my suffering with yours on the cross.  Help me to know that I’m not alone, but that you suffer with me.”  Amen.

Our Camaraderie with God

Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time

            Many of the adults I talk to who have children who frequently misbehave, tell me that they feel like they are getting their just desserts.  “Father,” they tell me, “when I was a kid I was a real trouble maker.  I kept my mom and dad up late at night, worrying about whether I was ok.  At the time, I didn’t think it was a big deal, but now that I have kids, I realize how difficult I made it for my mom and dad, and I appreciate all their love and concern all the more.” 

            There’s something about having someone know exactly what you’re going through that gives you a real sense of camaraderie.  While anyone can be a critic, only coaches know how hard it is to get your players to perform at the level of which you know they are capable so the team can win.  When there is a death of a loved one, especially a spouse, parent, or child, we rightfully support each other, but only one who has lost a spouse, parent, or child truly understands what that person is going through.

            What camaraderie we have, then, with our God!  God knows us.  He knows us better than we do ourselves.  He knows what will truly make us happy, and how we can best achieve that happiness.  But the shocker is that, not only does God teach us how we are to live in order to be happy, but He joins us to Himself and experiences life just like we do, but without sin.  This is the scandal of the Incarnation: that God, who existed before all else, who cannot suffer, who was subject to nothing, would lower Himself and take on human flesh and feel the heat of the burning sun, the cool of the desert night, would stub his toe occasionally while walking, and would be tempted to all the things we are, and then freely be nailed to a cross in order to save us.  While we have grown used to this narrative over 2,000 years, this is truly amazing!!  God did not have to join a human nature to His divine nature in Jesus.  There was no compulsion to take on human limitations.  But out of love for us, Jesus did all that.

            In our first reading, God talks about how He will lead his people from exile into joy.  He promises to bring gather them, and to console them after their sorrows.  He will even make the road easy for them, without hills or valleys, without twists or turns.  He will free them from their oppression.  And in Jesus, God does that.  In our Gospel, Jesus heals a blind man, Bartimaeus.  He restores light and vision to the man’s eyes, the man who had walked in darkness for a long time.  But God does not just do this like a magic trick.  He does not simply will it to be from the heavens.  Instead, He takes the journey with us, from exile into freedom, from darkness into light.

            In Jesus, God knew the weight of sin, though He was sinless Himself.  As holiness itself in a human body, Jesus could sense all the disobedience around Him.  It must have made His very being convulse interiorly at the separation that sin causes.  But, He took that sin upon Himself and freed us from it.  It is as if He took our hand as we were lost, and told us, “I’ll lead you back home.”  In Jesus, we could hold hands with God, and be led where we needed to go.

            Although God knows the eye better than we do ourselves, in Jesus God sees with His eyes.  He has eyes that receive light and shadow and color, and so as He comes to Bartimaeus and senses his faith, He restores sight to that man to bring him back into the light. 

            Our God is not the god of the deists, a disinterested clockmaker who set the world in motion and lets it work according to its mechanical rules.  Our God is the loving Father, who sends His Son to experience life with us, and to show us the way to true happiness.  Yes, He knows the pain of sin because He knows how He created us and He knows that sin does not fulfill who we are.  But He also knows the weight and pain through Jesus’ human nature, such that He cries out from the cross using the words of King David in Psalm 22, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”  Through always united to God, He drinks the pain of sin, not just a sip, but to the dregs, so that we can have life.  Yes, God knows darkness because He separated the day from the night, but He also has eyes that see and experiences the joy of vision with human eyes.

            So, do you know that God?  Do you know the God who not only knows you because He is God, but because He has also taken to Himself human flesh, never to separate from it?  Would you be comfortable enough having breakfast with this God?  Or do you prefer the anonymous, distant god?  To be honest, the anonymous, distant god is easier to deal with.  It’s like that fourth cousin, once removed who lives in Mississippi.  Sure, we’re family, but there’s no real relationship there.  And that way, he makes no demands on me, and I make no demands on Him.  We’re just associated with each other.  Do you know Jesus such that you would be comfortable spending time with Him, and making a sacrifice for Him?  A relationship means that there are demands on one’s affections.  Friends do this and don’t do that.  Jesus invites us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us.  He invites us to be pure of heart, mind, and body.  Jesus invites us to take up our cross daily and follow Him, to value everything less than our relationship with Him.  Those demands only make sense if we have a relationship with Him.  If not, they just seem like rules and regulations.

            The Good News is that Jesus knows us, and He knows the reality of our situation, in His human nature as one like us in all things but sin, and in His divine nature as our Creator.  The upside is that, if we are willing to have a relationship with the God who took on human flesh, then we can grasp that fleshy hand as He says to us, “Come with me.  Let me take you from the exile of sin into the freedom of holiness; from the darkness of death into the light of life.”  “Come, follow me.”  

Kenny Chesney & the Rich Young Man

Twenty-Eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time

            This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I’m a fan of country music.  Others may have noticed my cowboy boots and country hat that I have worn.  One of the popular country stars in these days is Kenny Chesney.  He has such hits as “Boys of Fall,” “You and Tequila,” and “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.”  Lesser known is his song, “Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven.”  The words of the refrain are: “Everybody wants to go to heaven/ Have a mansion high above the clouds/ Everybody wants to go to heaven/ but nobody wants to go now.” 

            Today’s readings also focus us on what our priorities are: are they earthly or are they heavenly?  In the first reading, the Sacred Author, traditionally regarded as King Solomon, says that he prayed for prudence and wisdom, and he received it.  He wanted it more than “scepter and throne, and deemed riches nothing in comparison with her, nor did [he] liken any priceless gem to her; because all gold, in view of her, is a little sand, and before her, silver is to be accounted mire.”  He didn’t care about good health and being attractive, and even about sleep.  Solomon here is not just talking about being book smart or street smart, but is talking about the wisdom from above, the wisdom from God so that Solomon could know what is important, and what is less or unimportant.  But, even though Solomon talks about only wanting the wisdom of God, he also says, “Yet all good things together came to me in her company, and countless riches at her hands.”  Having the wisdom of God did not deny Solomon the good things, but, instead, brought the truly good things to him.

            Jesus, in the Gospel, talks about obstacles to heaven, as seen in the Rich Young Man.  The man had kept all of the commandments, and so Jesus told him that he lacked just one thing: “‘Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’”  But the man couldn’t bring himself to make that radical step.  The Word of God, Jesus Christ the Divine Word, was sharper than any sword for that man, penetrated between soul and spirit, joint and marrow, and was able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart, and that Rich Young Man’s heart loved his possessions more than he loved Jesus.  Now, to be clear, Jesus did not condemn wealth.  But, Jesus did condemn making wealth a god, and preferring it to following Him.  He also warned how easy it is for riches to become an obstacle to salvation, going so far as to say, “‘It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.’”  Money so easily becomes a god unto itself which beckons like a siren to be loved and treasured above all else, and to try and make more and more and more.

            Now, money isn’t an obstacle for all people.  It’s so easy to place other lesser goods between us and the Lord, so that the demand isn’t so great.  We could prefer status to Jesus; or vacation; or power; or prestige; or even just our own will.  Each of those things, and so many more, can be things that we feel we cannot let go, even if the Lord is calling us to abandon them in order to follow Him more deeply.  Our relationship with Jesus, truly knowing Him and loving Him, has to be first, with no excuses why anything else is more important.  If today Jesus appeared right in your midst, in His glorified body, and said to you, “You can spend two hours with me here, or I will give you the winning Powerball numbers so you can win $50 million dollars,” what would we say?  I know what I should say.  And maybe you’re like me, and want to immediately rationalize what we could do with $50 million dollars.  But the only right answer is Jesus.  And even if money isn’t your temptation, it could be good grades, a good job, a nice vacation getaway, or, again, maybe just having your own way.  But, the key is, what comes first for us?

            What’s interesting is that the choice isn’t: follow Jesus and be miserable, or follow whatever little god is important to you and have pleasure.  After St. Peter tells Jesus, “‘We have given up everything and followed you,’” Jesus replies, “‘there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age…and eternal life in the age to come.’”  Now, Jesus is also clear that with following Him comes persecution.   But you also receive a lot more, even in this age, not to mention eternal life and happiness with God.  Bl. Teresa of Calcutta attests to that; she preferred nothing to Jesus.  And even though she didn’t even own the sari on her back and went through intense spiritual darkness, she was truly happy.  Venerable Solanus Casey is another good example.  He was ordained a priest, but he was not allowed to hear confessions or preach sermons.  Most of his work was opening doors to the monastery, and serving the poor.  Yet I dare you to find a happier man, who also brought such joy to those he met. 

            Nothing is more important than our relationship with Jesus.  Nothing even comes close to its worth.  The Lord asks each of us today: what is an obstacle to our relationship?  What keeps us from drawing close to Him?  “‘Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.’”

The Icon of Marriage

Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time

            If there’s one gift that I admire in people, it’s the gift of being an artist; of being able to take pencils, or crayons, or paints, or charcoal and create an image that truly looks like something, whether it’s a landscape, a person, or a scene.  Try as I might, I just don’t have that gift.  The best I can do is stick figures and basic shapes, and they never seem to look like what I am imagining or picturing in my head, no matter how hard I try.

            When a piece of art looks like what it represents, it’s easy to tell the correlation.  When the art doesn’t look like what it represents, it’s difficult to find the correlation.  When an artist paints the Coliseum in Rome, you can tell what it is.  Why I try to draw the Coliseum, it could be a bathtub, a strainer, or just a blob.

            Jesus’ teaching today on marriage is all about correlation.  Marriage is meant to be an icon, and image, or something else.  And we see that in the beginning in Genesis.  Adam and Eve are created to be a communion of persons.  They are not simply to be two persons who happen to be in the same area, but they are meant to be joined in a relationship.  “‘It is not good for the man to be alone,’” God says, and so he makes Eve for Adam.  But Adam recognizes that this is not simply a second, but a part of him.  “‘This one, at last,’” Adam says, “‘is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.’”  The two are meant for each other.  And in that first couple, we see the design of marriage, as the sacred author says at the end, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one flesh.”

            But what are Adam and Eve, two persons but joined as one flesh, meant to represent?  They are the icon of the God’s relationship with humanity.  Adam and Eve are meant to be a physical representation in their marriage of God and human nature.  Just as Jesus is one Person, so Adam and Eve are both human.  And, just as Jesus has two distinct natures, so Adam and Eve retain their individuality.  Of course, an icon is an image; it is not the same.  And there are differences between the relationship between God and humanity and Adam and Eve.  But Adam and Eve are an image of the communion of marriage of God to humanity.

            Through the years, after the Fall of Adam and Eve, that image became marred.  It’s as if Fr. Anthony started to draw the image.  Yes, it had some resemblances to the original, but there were flaws.  Whereas God’s original plan was for one man and one woman to be joined as one flesh for life, very soon after the Fall men and women started to abuse the gift of their sexuality and so marred the image of marriage.  It was no longer one man and one woman, but maybe one man and lots of women.  And even in the Law given through Moses, while adultery is clearly forbidden (the Sixth Commandment), still, divorce is allowed by Moses, and the image of God’s communion of Persons is still not quite an accurate portrayal.

            But Jesus, the full revelation of the Father, the new Moses, cleans up the image.  He reminds the Pharisees that the husband and wife are not two, but one flesh, and what God has joined cannot be separated (unless, as in the passage from the Gospel according to St. Matthew, the marriage is not valid from the start).  Jesus calls the Chosen People back to the idea of radical fidelity, even in the face of unfaithfulness.  That is the message of almost all the prophets, who remind Israel that she is the Bride of God, and that she has been unfaithful.  But God, for His part, never abandoned her, and remains faithful for all time.  That image of marriage is based upon God Himself, who took to Himself a human nature, and will never separate or divorce that human nature from Himself.  He is one flesh with humanity.    And so Jesus says there this is no such thing as divorce from God’s perspective. 

            This is a tough teaching because it is a difficult image to live up to.  But that is precisely what marriage represents: the relationship between Jesus and humanity.  That is why preparation for marriage is so important, so that the union of a man and a woman is an accurate representation of the marriage of the divine to the human in Jesus Christ.  That is why it is so important for married couples to support each other, especially in difficult times, to remain faithful to their vows and to that image, as long as it does not endanger a person’s spiritual, mental, or emotional well-being.  The Church certainly does not want a spouse to be a punching bag, and sometimes separation is necessary.  Sometimes there was something that was missing from the marriage from the start, which may or may not have been known.  That is why the Church grants Declarations of Invalidity, or annulments, to recognize that what was necessary for that image to even be crafted may not have been there.  It does not illegitimate any of the aspects that looked like a real marriage, including the children, but it does recognize that something necessary was missing.

            To all those who have civil divorces in our community: while we cannot change Jesus’ teaching, we can also emphasize that Jesus still loves you and wants you as a part of His Body, the Church.  I have too often heard from people who have felt that because they are divorced (even though they are not civilly remarried) they cannot participate in the life of the Church.  That is the farthest from the truth.  As long as you are not doing anything which is improper for a married person, if you are divorced, you are still welcome to present yourself for all the sacraments, especially the Eucharist.  And whether you have or have not attempted remarriage outside of the Church, do not be afraid to come and meet with a priest to try to regularize your situation and obtain a declaration of invalidity.  Especially if you have attempted remarriage, Fr. Mark and I want to help you so that you can once again return to the sacramental life of the Church.

            The Church’s teaching on marriage can seem hard.  It can seem to many to be out of date and punitive.  But what the Church teaches is what Jesus teaches: that marriage is not just about one man and one woman becoming one flesh.  That union is meant to symbolize the bond of one human nature and one Divine nature in the one Divine Person of Jesus, a bond which Jesus will never separate, because God has joined them together.  Let us support each other, especially married couples, in living out that icon of love, so that the image is clear and recognizable of the unending and unbreakable bond of love of God with humanity.