Being a Holy Family

 First Sunday after Epiphany-Holy Family

   In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  I think when many think about the Holy Family, they go immediately to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph; and rightly so.  I love my family dearly, but, I’ll be honest, I never really considered my family a holy family.  That’s not to say we were pagans or reprobate.  But when you’re used to the fights between siblings, the tension that exists between adolescent children who want more freedom and caring parents who want their kids to make smart decisions and keep children safe (sometimes you could cut that tension with a knife), the cruel words and fighting over which TV show to watch, you don’t tend to think of yourselves as holy.  We did go to Mass every Sunday (never a question of if, but when) and Holyday; we abstained from meat on Fridays of Lent; we prayed a family rosary on long car-rides for summer vacation or the rare trip to Disney World; we had a Advent wreath, and contributed to the Rice Bowl collections during Lent.  So it’s not like we were a horrible family, but, growing up, I never really thought about us as a holy family.
    We are blessed with many families here, families that are often growing in size or new generations.  And yes, as a confessor, I hear about family fights, arguments between parents and children, or even spouses.  But what’s the norm for being a holy family?  Does it entail that two of the members of a family out of three are sinless?  If that’s the bar, then we’re all in for disappointment.  I would suggest, though, that our readings on this first Sunday after Epiphany, as we celebrate the Holy Family, gives us some clues.  
    I’ll start with our Lord.  Mary and Joseph find Christ in the temple, after He decided to stay behind (without letting them know).  Of course, our Lord never sinned, but I would not suggest that staying anywhere, even at church, without letting your parents know is a recipe for holiness for anyone else.  But our Savior was, as we would say, at church.  And that is key to being a holy family: go to church.  I realize I’m preaching to the choir.  But as we share the Gospel, and talk with other Catholic and Christian families, we can share with them that one of the basic ingredients of a holy family is going to church every Sunday and Holyday.  I am, of course, excluding the times when you are sick; please don’t come when you are ill, especially if it’s contagious and serious, like the flu or COVID.  The church dispenses you during illness, or even if you can’t make it because you’re caring for a sick family member and can’t make it.  But otherwise, go to Mass.  That’s a basic part of being a holy family.
    Secondly, and also from our Gospel, be open to the will of God, even when it doesn’t necessarily make sense.  Mary and Joseph were worried about the Lord, but they embraced His decision to be in His Father’s house, once He explained that He was supposed to be there.  That wasn’t easy for the Blessed Mother and St. Joseph.  But they accepted it as the will of God.  We like it when the will of God happens to coincide with our will, but sometimes it doesn’t; how do we respond in those instances?  This is certainly a harder part of being a holy family, especially when God allows very difficult things to happen to us.  
    St. Paul also outlines ways to be a holy family.  The first one I want to mention is forgiveness.  This is, perhaps, another difficult part of being a holy family.  It’s so easy to hold on to grudges, to stew about old wounds, to hit back when a sibling hits us first, or rip that thing out of their hand that we wanted.  It’s so easy to act on our passions and respond with retribution.  But that’s not the way of the holy family.  Forgive others, St. Paul says, as Christ has forgiven us.  Even if the other person isn’t sorry, forgive him or her.  Family slights are often small, and often easily forgiven because we love the other and want to move on and have family harmony.  But even in bigger offenses, we are called to forgive.
    This doesn’t mean that parents can’t discipline their children.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean ignoring a chance to help a child, of whatever age, learn an important lesson in virtue.  Even the Scriptures say that the Lord loves those whom He disciplines.  But the Lord doesn’t keep coming back to that past fault or failing.  Once forgiven, it’s gone; erased from any consideration of who we are.  And that’s the goal for which we should strive.  
    Humility is another important virtue for family life.  When we think that we are more than we are, we usually get into trouble as families.  Whether it’s comparing virtue, or who’s left in charge when mom and dad are gone, or even based upon achievements in school, work, or life, it’s easy to get puffed up with pride.  But pride is not the way of the Gospel, and not the way of a holy family.  Humility does not hide one’s gift, but uses it for the good of the other, and recognizes that any gift is not given to be kept to the self or to put others down, but to raise everyone up and help everyone succeed.  This, too, can be tough to live out, but it is a key to success.  
    And, above all these, put on love, says St. Paul.  Love is something that we often associate with family.  It is the greatest blessing of family life, and the way that we first encounter God as a child: through the love of our family.  The love of God is not based upon what we have done, but is given simply because we belong to Him.  So with the family, love is not something that family members should have to earn, but should be given simply because we are family.  I love Bishop Barron’s definition of love: willing the good of the other.  It’s not merely an emotion or a good feeling.  True love is exercised even when the feelings and emotions are not there.  But it is doing what is best for the other, even if the other doesn’t recognize what is best.  Love is sometimes saying no; setting curfews; assigning chores; kissing wounds; embracing a heart-broken family member; applauding good work, correcting bad behavior, and much more.  Love is at the heart, if you’ll pardon the pun, of being a holy family, just like the love that was shared among the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the Immaculate Heart of Mary (pierced by a sword), and the Chaste Heart of St. Joseph.  Love is key to being a holy family.
    Even if you don’t consider yourself a holy family, do those things that I have mentioned, and you’ll be on your way.  It may not always seem like it, and you won’t do it perfectly (nor does anyone else), but following though on what we heard in the Scriptures today will help you be the holy family that you are called to be by God the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  Amen. 

If I Only Had a Heart

Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus

    In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  In the movie version of the classic book, The Wizard of Oz, one of the main characters is the Tin Man.  Dorothy and the Scarecrow meet him on their way to see the Wizard of Oz.  The Tin Man seems perfectly normal (for a man made out of metal), but he reveals to Dorothy that the tinsmith neglected to give him a heart.  Dorothy invites the Tin Man to come with her so that the Wizard can give him a heart, in addition to giving the Scarecrow a brain, and return Dorothy home.
    Spoiler alert: as the Wizard is giving the Tin Man his heart, he says, “Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”  And for those who have had their heart broken, there seems to be some logic in his quip.  Anyone who has gone through a break-up finds the cliché phrase, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” very unsatisfying.  At the time of the heartbreak, it seems like it would have been much better to not get into a situation which could cause such pain, pain which cannot be healed by any medicine.  Indeed, there can be a sometime-attraction to the character of Spock from “Star Trek,” who, though he has emotions, does not seem to be affected by them, but exhibits a remarkable kind of stoicism. 
    And yet today’s celebration, transferred from this past Friday, is precisely the celebration of not only a broken heart, but also a pierced heart!  A twice-pierced heart, in fact, pierced once by the lack of love from the beloved, and pierced twice by the lance of the soldier, making blood and water flow out.  But that broken, pierced, Sacred Heart is the riches of God, and the expression of the breadth, length, height and depth of God’s love for us, the hope and consolation of all the saints.
    We often associate a broken heart with one that has been betrayed.  Just think of what Michael Corleone in “The Godfather II” says to Fredo, his brother, when Michael finds out Fredo has betrayed him: “You broke my heart, Fredo.”  And certainly we have betrayed God.  Every time we sin we betray Jesus; we become a Judas.  We are supposed to be the friend of God, and yet we do what we know will hurt our Divine Friend.  And so the Lord’s Sacred Heart breaks, is pierced.  Indeed, with every sin that we commit, we put our hand on the very lance that was thrust into the body of Jesus.  We not only look upon Him whom we have pierced, we are the ones who pierce. 
    But the Sacred Heart is also pierced because, in the end, the love of God cannot help but overflow and burst out, not to call for vengeance, but to shower upon us mercy.  Pope St. Gregory the Great writes in his “Moral Reflections on Job,” “The blood of Jesus calls out more eloquently than Abel’s, for the blood of Abel asked for the death of Cain, the fratricide, while the blood of the Lord has asked for, and obtained, life for his persecutors.”  Even though we deserve the just punishment for our sins, which, as the Apostle writes, is death, God calls down upon us not death, but life, when His Blood and water flow upon us through the Sacraments of Baptism, Penance, and the Eucharist.  Christ would certainly prefer that we not betray Him, and yet, as many times as we do, He allows His Sacred Heart to be pierced to forgive us that betrayal and restore us to holiness.
    What a love that is so generous!  What a love that breaks open because of the expanse of love that cannot be contained!  What a love that recreates the beloved from the wound the beloved caused! 
    It is, in the end, better to have a heart that can break, than to have no heart at all.  It may indeed be unpractical that hearts break, but it is better that they do, because only hearts that love can be broken, including the Sacred Heart of our Incarnate Lord.  One cannot lose in love, even when a beloved breaks our heart, because God is love, and in God is our victory.  Love is not a loss, but a creative force.  We do not have to set ourselves up to be betrayed, or to be an emotional punching bag, and sometimes we can only love from afar.  But love, as with God who is Love, is a good in itself. 
    It can be hard to love when a heart has been broken.  It may seem easier to close ourselves off to love when our love has been betrayed.  But the Sacred Heart of Jesus invites us to love even when it hurts, even when our hearts are broken, even when our hearts are pierced.  May our hearts always be open to receive and share the transformative love of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  Amen.