Twenty-seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time
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| My sister, Allison, and her fiancé, Tom |
My youngest sister, Allison, is getting married in March. This is the first and only wedding that I’ll have the chance to do for one of my siblings (unless, God-forbid, a spouse dies), since my other sister, Amanda, got married before I was a priest. Of course, in all of the prep, there’s the wedding questions about the Mass, the dress, the tuxedos or suits, the reception, the food, and whom to invite. As a priest, I see lots of different options for how weddings are celebrated. I will say that entertainment and mass media has increased the ideas that people have (some good, some bad) for what their wedding should look like.
What almost never gets considered, or is given only a small consideration, is how the Church, the Bride of Christ, views the wedding and, more importantly, the marriage. We hear about marriage in our first reading and Gospel today, but before I get there, I do want to take the opportunity to say that the Church expects certain things even from the wedding, ways that our Catholic understanding of marriage is expressed. But just having a wedding in a church is a big part of that. A wedding is not a ceremony whose goal is to make the couple look as much like royalty as possible. A wedding is supposed to be in a Catholic church (unless the bride or groom would find such a location offensive due to their Jewish or Muslim faith) because marriage is a sacred covenant, an agreement between the couple, yes, but also between the couple and God. And a church is a place where God dwells in a way that God doesn’t dwell on a beach, in a fancy barn, or anywhere else.
But, back to the readings. In our first reading we hear about God creating marriage. It’s not explicit, but God creates Eve for Adam, as an equal partner, to compliment him. Man and woman are different (I know that, for many of us, that’s common sense, but in today’s culture, saying that man and woman are different is quite shocking!). And in creating Eve to be with Adam, God creates marriage. And since God created marriage, and since God does always what is for our good, we see in Adam and Eve a pattern with which we have no authority to tinker. Marriage cannot be one man and two women; it cannot be one woman and two men; it cannot be two people of the same sex. That doesn’t sound loving, but everything God does for us is an act of love, and Scripture makes it very clear how God created marriage.
Now, throughout the Old Testament, God continued to reveal more about how He created marriage. But, sometimes the message got muddled. And that’s where our Gospel comes in. The Pharisees ask Jesus if, as Moses said, divorce is still allowed in following Jesus. Jesus had overturned a lot of what the Pharisees thought was right, and so they’re seeing if he’s upending marriage, too. Moses allowed a husband to divorce his wife for certain reasons, including infidelity. But Jesus clarifies: man and woman in marriage are no longer two, but one flesh, joined by God. So what God has joined together, no one must separate.
As radical as it now sounds to say that two men or two women cannot be married in the eyes of God and His Church, it was that radical in the time of Jesus to say that divorce could not happen. This was not an easy statement. It was very counter-cultural. But Jesus, who is God, who is Love Incarnate, tells us this so that we can truly be happy.
This is, I’m sure, where all sorts of objections come to our mind. When we think about how the Church does not allow or recognize homosexual marriage, maybe we think it’s not fair to have two people who feel a certain way for each other to deny them marriage. But marriage is ordered toward sex (as well as union and fidelity and the good of the spouses), and sex is ordered toward children. All the goods of marriage have to be present to be part of God’s plan. Older people get married, yes, but even sometimes older people conceive children; just ask Abraham and Sarah or Elizabeth and Zechariah. And God reveals in the Old and New Testament that only those who are married can have holy sex.
When we think about divorce and remarriage, sometimes people bring up cases of abuse, and say that the Church is saying they need to stay in those abusive relationships. We turn back to Genesis: Adam and Eve are co-equal partners, who are there to help each other. Abuse is not an example of helping each other. Marriages can be annulled if abuse happens, but even before that, the defense of self and/or one’s children is another basic part of God’s teaching. If you’re in an abusive relationship, God is not calling you to be a verbal or physical punching bag. Come to me, and I’ll help you to take care of your marriage situation.
Even if you’re not part of an abusive marriage that broke up, but simply divorced, I can help you examine if there was an obstacle that existed before you were married, even if it was only known after you got married. Or if you have questions about your marriage situation, I’ll be glad to help you understand it in the light of what God has revealed in Sacred Scripture and the teaching of the Church so that you can be truly happy according to God’s plan. I’m not here to beat you up spiritually or emotionally even if your marriage is not what is part of God’s plan; I’m here to help you get to that place where your marriage reflects God’s vision for marriage.
There are a lot of groups that give us what they think is the key to a happy marriage. We see royal marriages, Hollywood marriages, and what some people call marriage but which are, in God’s eyes, not marriage. Go to the Creator of marriage to understand how to live this beautiful Sacrament. Go to what He has revealed through Scripture and the Church to understand how marriage truly works. It may be difficult; it may be counter-cultural. But, as it comes from the source of all true happiness and joy, it will make you truly happy and filled with joy.